Rank Up! - Indiana Jones

Let's cap off the week with Rank Up! We're going off-topic this time with Indiana Jones! The Indiana Jones movies are some of the best blockbusters I have ever witnessed on this great earth of ours. I don't always watch movies, but when I do, I drink Dos Equis. ...Anyway... I was going to make a top five list of my favorite movie trilogies, but why not cut out the middleman and just do Rank Up!? These four movies are the ones I always watch when they appear on television, even though I already own all of them and can watch them unedited at any time. Any fan knows what four movies I'll be ranking, but for those that don't, here you are:

Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull


With a trademark whip, fedora, leather jacket, fear of snakes, wit, and five o'clock shadow, Indiana Jones is the most legendary fictional archaeologist on the planet. His movies have grossed nearly two billion dollars worldwide, and for good reason-- they are incredibly entertaining adventures that take you for a wild ride across the far corners of the earth. When Harrison Ford puts on the familiar wardrobe of Jones, you know you're in for something special.

4) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull


While the other three Indiana Jones movies deal with biblical mythos, The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull dealt with aliens. The two decade wait between Last Crusade and this movie made it so it would have been impossible for Crystal Skull to live up to the hype. And it was impossible. The main villain wasn't very foreboding, Jones' son was played by Shia Lebeouf, an awful actor that should have stuck with the Disney Channel and one that I'm sick of Spielberg shoving down people's throats, and the infamous fridge scene was implausible at best. That said, I really enjoyed seeing Marion Ravenwood return as Jones' love interest and marrying her longtime boyfriend, some of the action scenes were entertaining (though Shia swinging from vine to vine like Donkey Kong with a bunch of monkeys was stupid), and the trademark comedy of the franchise was present and accounted for.

3) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom


The only Indiana Jones movie that had nothing to do with the others, the Temple of Doom was decidedly the darkest of the four movies. When you have hearts being pulled out from people's chests, human sacrifices into scalding lava, and Indiana Jones being possessed, you have some disturbing imagery to see. That doesn't mean the movie isn't bad. Sure, Willie was incredibly obnoxious, but Short Round was funny enough. Scenes like the dinner from hell, the mine cart chase, and the spike room booby trap where Jones says "We are going to die" in grumpy fashion make for some sublime entertainment. The villain was delightfully evil and his plan of stealing a village's children to mine for the final Shankara stone made for the desire for Jones to kick some bad guy butt. The dark nature of the film turned me off a little, but it is still a great movie.

2) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark


The very first Indiana Jones movie took us to what our hero does best, taking treasure from a booby trap-infested area. Of course, all of his work would be for nothing as the villain of the film, Bellock, would take the golden idol from Indiana. We would first see Jones's love interest, Marion Ravenwood, learn of his fear of snakes early in the film (and see how he would have to face it in the asp-filled Well of Souls), and discover that Jones is one funny guy (like when he was facing a saber-clad swordsman and basically said the hell with it and nonchalantly shot him). The desert chase, the chase through the city streets of Cairo with Marion in one of many baskets, and the final scene where the fury of the ark rains down on the Nazi horde. To say this movie is a classic is a disservice. It is mythical in quality.

1) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade


I have chosen... wisely. River Phoenix as a young Indiana Jones (he's named after the dog, y'know) was an interesting look into the early life of the hero. We saw how he got his famous fedora, where he began his whip training, and how he got his phobia of snakes. The actual plot of finding the ultimate treasure, the holy grail, was intensely intriguing and fun to watch. The relationship between Indiana and his father was adorable and warmed my heart. Scenes like the church turned library in Venice ("X marks the spot"), the boat chase, the castle revelations, the motorcycle chase, Hitler signing Jones' journal in Berlin, the blimp hilarity ("no ticket!"), the tank battle, and so many more memorable scenes make Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade my personal favorite Indiana Jones film.

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We're not done with this week on SuperPhillip Central. A Nintendo Direct is planned for tonight, offering new news and hopefully news of new games. Stay tuned for all the fun!